Maybe the greatest horror of all is in the food we eat. Conspiracy theorists have been saying for years that we are eating tainted food. This blog article is all about the conspiracies that surround foods that we consume—but do you believe them? Let’s find out if these are the real deal…
Honey For Your Tea?
Take honey, for example. You’d think it’s a pretty straightforward product — bees make it, bears steal it from the bees, you eat it. Or something. But the truth is that pretty much all the major players in the industry knowingly buy their honey from dodgy sources in China — a country that, for instance, has no qualms in purveying pepper that is entirely made from mud.
Chinese honey frequently has all of the pollen filtered out of it to disguise its origin, and it’s then cut like back-alley cocaine with cheap corn syrup and artificial sweeteners. The FDA says that a substance can’t legally be called “honey” if it contains no pollen, and yet most of the stuff tested from the main retailers contained not a trace of it.
Soy Sauce… The True Evil?
Soy sauce is another thing you’d assume no one would feel the need to fabricate, seeing as soy isn’t exactly a rare commodity. Again, you’d be wrong. Proper soy sauce takes a pretty long time to make, so many manufacturers have started producing an imitation product that takes only three days to make and has a longer shelf life. It is made from something called “hydrolyzed vegetable proteins,” as well as caramel coloring, salt, and our good old friend corn syrup. Most of the soy sauce that you get in packets with your sushi is this fake stuff. But at least it comes with wasabi, too, right? If by “wasabi” you mean “horseradish mixed with mustard.” Let’s face it, you probably weren’t even served by a real Japanese person.
The Clucking Sound of True Chicken
For decades, the vast majority of our “fresh” chicken has been infused with a whole bunch of other substances, up to and including beef and pork waste. That’s bad news for Hindus, Muslims and anyone else who is choosing the chicken dish from the menu because contact with beef or pork is expressly forbidden by their religion.
But even when the chicken is untainted by cloven-hoofed contaminants, you’re still likely eating a bird that’s pumped full of chicken stock, brine and “flavor enhancers.” It’s called plumping, and it’s been standard practice in chicken production since around the ’70s. The industry explains that it’s to add juiciness to chicken that would otherwise be too lean and chewy. Sure, they neglect to mention the fact that the chicken is stringy and inferior because they’ve deliberately bred it to be faster and cheaper to manufacture, but at least they’re not technically lying, at least not at this point.
Are You Dying For Salmon?
The salmon you eat today has never swum a single damn inch upstream. Instead of the Alaskan wilderness, today’s salmon only contain the spirit of the cramped, overcrowded salmon farms in which they spent their entire lives. Because the fish can’t move much and their diet consists entirely of aquarium pellets, the salmon that arrives at your local Safeway is as gray as a British winter.
So how do they recapture the soul of Alaska? They pump the salmon full of pink dye, obviously. The pellets they feed to those aquatic prisoners are infused with a line of coloring agents developed by the pharmaceutical giant Hoffman-La Roche and selected according to a color fan. That’s right — just like the ones you use to choose the color of your wall paint from the hardware store.
And if you want to see an action packed version of conspiracy theories, check out my three-book series – The Chronicles of Jermey Nash.